Happy,
Masked by my easily forgiving
Smile
And my silver-lining attitude,
I stand.
I stand alone in my corner of the world,
Hidden from all the people who have
Hurt me.
All of the people who have
Used me.
Out of convenience.
Out of want.
Out of self-proclaimed need.
They never see
A crack
A glimmer
A shot
At who I really am.
They never see a glimpse of the
Small
Helpless
Cowering
Girl in the corner who desperately,
So desperately
Needs just one other person
One
To understand.
To reach out.
To listen.
But no one does.
No one
Ever has.
It's been too long.
To everyone else,
It seems
Sudden
Uncalled for
Unlike me
When I finally
Explode and
Confess and
Open up,
My guts laying out on the floor.
I stand there,
Watching as everyone
Stares
At the girl they thought they knew.
They all turn away.
The ones I've
Helped
Loved
Admired.
And then...
I fall.
I fall and
No one
Absolutely no one
Hears a sound,
No one notices this
Heap of flesh
Hogging up the floor.
They simply
Step and
Walk and
Go on
With life,
As if I've
Always been
On the ground.
I am dirt and
They treat me as such,
Wiping me away as they go,
Making sure to wipe their feet of me
Before going indoors.
For I am dirt.
I do not belong in such a
Clean
Beautiful
Painless
Immaculate
Place where the people live.
I will never stand again.
I have become earth,
Crawling with the
Worms of insecurities and
No self esteem and the
Open wounds of stomping feet and
Rolling tires.
I cannot even fall
For I am dirt.
I can do nothing but
Sit here.
I can do nothing but be
Tread on
Drowned
Forgotten.
But even that is a lie.
For I will continue to believe
That after all this
Mistreatment
Torture
Abandonment
A flower can still grow
Where my heart once was.
I still believe that
Strength can bloom
Where pain has
Ruled for so long.
I still believe
That the harder the
Struggle,
The more colorful the
Petals,
And the more abundant the
Beauty.
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