I'm Just Not Happy With Anyone Right Now

I'm really tired of people treating me like I'm a total fucking idiot just because I'm nineteen. Just because I don't live by myself or have a nice new car and a fancy job doesn't mean I don't know how to handle myself.
I want to see how many other people my age have had to deal with the bullshit I have and still stayed sane, totally functional, and independent.

I pay my own bills. I buy my own food. I buy my own gas. I take care of myself. I don't need everyone telling me that what I'm doing isn't being done "right" in their condescending, know-it-all tones.

Sure, you have more life experience than I do, but no one's experiences are exactly the same as someone else's. So in some aspects, I might actually have more experience than most of you.

Let me learn on my own and quit trying to baby me. I didn't come out with a silver spoon in my mouth. I didn't grow up with someone coddling me and holding my hand the whole way. So riddle me this Batman: What makes you think I need it now? Maybe if I came home complaining about how hard my life is, how expensive everything is, or how I'm totally broke every day of my life, I'd understand why every adult on the planet thinks I expect to be babied.

But I don't. I come home smiling, because I have a job that allows me to pay my bills. No, it's not a big fancy office or corporate or even a very high paying job, but it's a job. I like my job. It pays my bills. It allows me to spend a little money here and there. And that's good enough for me. It may not be the "plan" you had for me, but it's working, and that's all we can really ask for in this life, is for things to work.

I've survived this long, having to figure everything out on my own, and you don't see me crying and wailing and being hysterical about stupid crap like "I want this and that but I can't afford it," or "poor me, my parents paid for something really expensive but they got the wrong kind," or, my personal favorite, "I NEED to move out because my parents are crazy" (AKA "I want to move out because I'm a big fat idiot that can't deal with authority, or live under the rules that my parents put on me to keep me safe, or accept the fact that without them I wouldn't have a roof over my head so I should probably listen to them but I'm too much of a spoiled brat for that"). I don't say things like this often, but my friends are some of the biggest offenders of these exact things. And it makes me want to lose my damn mind. I love you guys, but Jesus Christ, GROW THE F*** UP. 
You have no idea how much it makes me hate you when you complain about stupid trivial shit that your parents do. At least your parents like you enough to keep you around and pay for your housing and your bills and your car engines and your gas and everything else that I've had to learn to take care of on my own. Your parents are not my problem. They aren't even your problem; they aren't a problem at all. They set rules in place because they care about you. Sure, they might seem stupid at the time, but they aren't. Just another lesson I had to learn the hard way. Quit taking your parents for granted, and recognize that they are trying the best they can. Take your complaints somewhere else, because I've lost all patience for any of it.

Because guess what:

And for the adults that think I'm doing everything the hard way...Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. But either way, I'm going to make it through just fine. I appreciate your worrying, but sometimes it just comes off as bossy, pushy, and condescending. If I have to crawl through Hell and high water, I will. I will make everything work out so that I come out on top. I am fully willing to get my hands dirty to get to where I want to be. Sometimes you have to start at the bottom to be able to appreciate the top.

Just another post.

So lately, life has been kind of hectic (what else is new, right?) and I haven't really had a chance to just sit down and write a post. Obviously with the new semester, my old schedule did not resume as I had hoped. But I am writing now, and that's what matters (I guess).

I started my new job, which I actually really don't mind. I have to admit that there have been a few glitches and a lot more complaining about the glitches but...it'll be fine. I think that it's just a matter of everything getting settled in. Our store is under a renovation of sorts, and we have new managers and we were opening a new store and this that and the other. It's just been kind of chaotic, which is very uncharacteristic of a fabric store, but things happen.

School was supposed to be easy. Key words being "supposed to be." AKA it's not. I should have thought about my schedule more before I signed up for it. My registration for next semester is Novemer 4th. I have priority and I'll be able to register the second day it's open, so I'll probably get all of my classes. I just have to know what those are... which I really really don't. And which I really really need to pick out. But I need to have an advisory meeting because I want to see if I can use some classes towards my associates degree and my education certificate. So I just need to get on that.

This month is my favorite month in a typical year, all because of Halloween. This year was no exception, though I think it will be tied with December. Aaron and I went to his aunt's party this past Saturday. Our costumes coordinated; I made some Pebbles and Bam Bam attire, though I didn't stay in mine very long, my wig and dress itched like mad. He did eventually put on more clothing as well.
Tomorrow night I have yet another party to go to, and another costume to wear. I will be the classic vampire. But the best part is that I don't even have to paint my face white because I'm so pale. Just slap some dark red lipstick, some fangs, and a dark colored dress on and I will be all set. I'm going with Chelsea, her family, and her boyfriend.
That's right, I typed boyfriend. He's a nice guy, but it's a recent thing, so we'll see how well it goes (hopefully very well).

Today marked the day that I began Christmas crafting. It needed to be done so that I didn't run out on Christmas Eve to Target and do all of my gifts in one night again, like I did last year. The colors are reacting to heat very oddly though, so royal blue is turning to grey and lime green to olive and pink to lavender, but oh well. Everything still looks decent. This year's craft is mugs :) I had to make 11 customized ones this year. It would seem that these also should never be washed, though, so I'm going to have to invest in some sort of sealant spray of sorts at some point (Christmas Eve...? ha). So far, it looks like Aaron's, Allie's, Alyssa's, and my Mom's turned out the closet to their original colors (Alyssa's had to be backwards or you could see the design :P Also there were 3 in the oven at the point this was taken at). Hopefully the sealant does the job and then they can actually be used unlike the plates from last year.

Grandma was gone for a couple of weeks (visiting her sister) earlier this month so I had the house to myself again. Well, we had the house to ourselves, rather. It was really nice being able to cook and wait for someone to get home from work. I got used to it and now I'm spoiled and hate that I can't do it any more. I've also had to learn to remember to turn on my own fan at night, which isn't pleasant. But I get to curl up in the covers and not get accused of being a blankie thief, so I guess that's a plus. Kind of. Having the house like that for that long made me want to be out on my own so much more than I already do. I just like the feeling of knowing that I get to see the most wonderful person every night and every morning, the last and first thing every day. I hate not having him be the last person I see before I go to bed anymore. I absolutely hate it. But I have to keep reminding myself that it won't always be this way. It's just how his job and my schedule don't work out right now. I think I just miss his voice being the last one I hear that I really miss. I don't care what anyone says, texts can only do so much for contact. And it may seem like a stupid thing to miss, but the saying "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" is so very true in this case.

Anyways, I really should get to bed, my eyes are drooping and I can tell I'm going to just start super rambling with keyboard vomit on the internet pretty soon here, so I'll call it quits for the night.
See you whenever I get back on here again (hopefully sooner than later).

Thanksgiving Came Early

So the past month or so, I've revisited the idea that a lot of us don't take enough time to recognize what we have to be thankful for. It mostly stems from how many times I've had mini-stress-out sessions over money and such lately, but it also comes from the people around me. I thought I'd take this time to recognize all of the people who have been there for me through some really difficult situations in my life. Not everyone can be mentioned, of course, or this post would be a novel of nothing but thank you's. But I am going to try to include every person I feel deserves thanks in some way, shape, or form here. Because you're all wonderful, you truly are.

I'd like to thank all of my family, of course, but there are a few people that I feel deserve a special shout-out.
First of all, my Grandma, who has taken me into her home for the past year when I didn't have any other place to call home. I appreciate all of her support and hard work to make sure that I not only make it through college, but that I make it through life without stressing out entirely too much. She's always willing to help me out when I'm financially stretched, and although I don't like accepting the help, it's nice to know that she's there when I absolutely need her.

Second of all, my other set of grandparents, who have provided me with the countless joys and lessons that come with owning a car. It has allowed me to go on so many adventures, have so much bonding time with my girl-friends, and go to so many shifts of work. Without my car, I would be lost.

To my second family, the Lampings. They've done so much for me in the past 7 months and expected absolutely nothing in return. They've welcomed me into their family, welcomed me into their home, and most importantly, welcomed me into their hearts. They never hesitate to remind me of how much they care about me; They never hesitate to make sure everyone has what they need; They never hesitate to be some of the most genuine, caring, wonderful people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I am truly grateful that I can call them my second family. I don't know what I'd do without them. AAron, Dena, Zach, Alyssa, you're incredible. I love you.

And a shoutout to all of my closest friends, who have been there for either years and years of ups and downs, or have been there through the latest crazy adventures. So Stephanie, Rachel, Chelsea, Allie, Leah... Thank you for going on this bumpy crazy weird ride that I call life. I truly believe that you guys collectively are the thing that has kept me sane above all else. It doesn't seem to matter what happens in my life, I'll always have you guys to fall back on. It still cracks me up that some of you ask me for advice when my life is so clearly a wreck in and of itself. I love each and every single one of you goons to death.

I'd also like to thank those that have criticized me, hurt me, wronged me, or put me down. You may have thought that you were benefiting yourself, or making yourself feel better in some way, but in the end, I'm the one that got the most out of it. Sure, I may have been upset at the time....who wouldn't be?... But when all is said and done, you're the driving forces behind who I grew to be today. You're the ones that made me determined to be better than I was, or than you were. You're the ones that made me learn how life is out in the "real world," and how to respond accordingly. You're the ones that taught me to watch out for more people like you in the future, because I'm not going to go down the same exact pathway twice. And you can best bet that you're the ones that taught me to be careful of the bridges I burn. "How?" you ask?....well it's really this simple: When you wrong someone, they're almost guaranteed to remember it. So be careful who you wrong now, because someday, they may be the ones that are handing you your paycheck. So thank you for teaching me how to survive, because really, I don't believe that you will.

Thank you to everyone who has been with me on this crazy journey. I'm sure you'll stick around for the rest that will come.

Thank the Sweet Naked Baby Jesus!!

Everything is starting to fall into shape, FINALLY!

Arby's is still really hectic, seeing as I have to go in for my fourth interview next Thursday for a job that I no longer much care to have. The communication (well, lack thereof) is really making me nuts. I can't imagine what it would be like working there with that kind of unorganized management.

I also went into Hancock Fabrics on my way home today per the advice of my friend Allie. I got an immediate interview, and a semi-immediate hire. Of course, nothing is going to be official until papers are signed and everything, but the lady who interviewed me seemed pretty sure she'd be calling me to hire.
I'd absolutely love to work there, since I like sewing and such. And it's not fast food!

Well... I think that's all of the super exciting public news....not that it's super exciting to you, but it is to me, so deal with it.

Fall Has Arrived!

Finally, Autumn has shown up and our weather is absolutely beautiful. Granted, this week has decided to become the summer we never had, but nonetheless, it has been enjoyable thus far.

School began this week, and I can already tell this is going to be a decent semester. I'm taking an easier course list this time around, and my professors all seem nice. I'm currently taking Intro to Sociology, History of the World to 1750, Atmospheric Science, and a childhood nutrition and health class. So not a lot of classes, but a decent amount of new information. Luckily it seems like most of them primarily grade based on papers and tests, so I should do just fine.

The job hunt has intensified quite a bit due to some extreme circumstances that are far too complicated and drawn out to explain. I was told that I had a position as either a crew member or a shift manager at Arby's, but it seems like that ISN'T actually going to happen. There seems to be a major lack of communication within the company, and so the people who told me I had a job actually didn't have control over it. Which is infuriating if you ask me, but I'll get over it. I'm going to continue looking of course, but that was definitely a frustrating and disappointing experience.

Back to the happy, though.



Stephanie started her year on an actual dorm-equipped college campus. While we're definitely excited about it, it still sucks that she'll be about 6 1/2 hours away! I can't wait to hear all about the adventures she has. Her super undesirable ex also goes to the college she'll be at, and apparently his roomate is a stud. Flirting with him has been strongly encouraged. Very strongly encouraged.

This weather has allowed me to wear a few cute ensembles this week, and it quickly made me realize what clothing items I cannot live without:

• Scarves
• Cardigans
• Tank tops
• Leggings

My favorite outfit though, was one I wore over to Chelsea's on Saturday night. I had been being lazy all day with Aaron, wearing dumpy clothes and not doing anything with my hair but pinning my bangs up.  went home and took two minutes to change into warmer clothes, and it ended up turning into a really cute outfit. I wish I had worn it all day! I even think my fashionista friend Stephanie would have appreciated the minimal effort that went into this. The outfit was really simple:

• grey tank top
• black cardigan
• flower skull scarf (white with yellow, orange, and pink flowers)
• black rose earrings with crystallized stud backs
• dark wash jeans rolled to the calf
• patent black flats

The apple orchard in our area opens tomorrow and I am more than happy about it. I have had an insane craving for their donuts and hot cider for a very long time it seems. This Fall is going to be excellent! :)

Plans For A Future

I've had a lot of things going on lately, and I've met a lot of people, and I've had a lot of bills. And all of these things started to make me think:
Where am I going in life?
           What should I be doing to better prepare myself?
Should I attempt to move out with friends?
            and many more questions.

And I realized something. No matter how old you get, no matter what steps you take, you never EVER know what the f*** you're doing. All of these adults that look like they have life figured out? They don't. They still have times where they don't know what to do. And that makes me feel a lot better.
Is it still a good idea to plan? Hell yes! But if you happen to fall off the path you set for yourself, is it a crisis? No. because everyone's been there. Everyone's had days where they question what they are, what they have been, and what they will become. They have days where they question WHERE the are, where they've been, and where they will go. And that's just life.

I recently had a fairly large meltdown in relation to bills and my job and school and everything else that's been handed to me. It started with me realizing that at the end of this month, I will have been out of my parent's house for a year, and not by choice. That in November, I will have been at the same dead-end job for a year, and that I haven't gotten anywhere near leaving for something better. That I still don't know everything about the world. And that I never will.

But after all of the tears and the curse words and the Kleenex, I pulled on my big girl pants and said, "Oh well." I can't control other people, or companies, or how our monetary system in this country works. But I can control myself.
And that's exactly what I am going to do.

Will it be graceful? Probably not.
Will I do everything right? Hell no.

But at the end of it all, will I be proud that I did it on my own? You bet your ass I will.

So I've made plans. Plans to better myself, plans to have what I want out of life, and plans to get what I deserve.

As a child, you're asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I'd like to know how many of those kids actually grow up to be exactly what they wanted to be in Kindergarten. I know in my yearbook, there was a kid that said "superhero." Another said "drive a choo choo like daddy." And me? I wanted to be a

ballerina. Most of the girls in the yearbook wanted to be ballerinas to be real with you. And how many of them will do it? Well, I can tell you that at least one will not be such, and you are reading her blog right now.

So many things change from when you're five. So many things change everyday that it's almost impossible to know exactly what you're going to be when you "grow up." And here's a question for you: What constitutes being "grown up?" Is it being a legal adult? Being financially stable? Successful? Happy? What is "grown up?" And if being successful is being "grown up," who is to tell you the definition to "success?" In my eyes, true happiness is success. As long as I am happy with my life, then I have succeeded. And no one can tell me that I did it wrong, or that my life isn't complete, or that I haven't "grown up."

So here is my (tentative) plan.
I will complete my Associate's Degree.
Then, I will figure out what it takes to be a certified para for disabled kids in the school district. If it's a plausible thing for me to accomplish, then I will do it. If not, I will still apply for the job, as it only requires 30 college hours. I'd just like to have both under my belt to have an advantage when applying.
When/If I get the job (high demand, no one likes to do it), my name will be in the district, and I'll have my foot in the door for future positions I hope to have.
I'll take night/online/summer courses to complete my Early Childhood Education certificate, and then hopefully be able to transfer over to being a teacher in the district's Kindergarten.

And then, I will be happy.

Then, I will have "grown up."

I also have decided to kick this weight loss thing's ass. I got very lazy about it, and I now weigh even more than before. An even 186 to be exact. I am not happy with that.
My problem is motivation. If I have to go by myself, it won't happen. But if I have someone to hold me accountable, I'll do it. So Rachel and I are GOING to do the Couch to 5K if it kills us. I arranged my work availability so that I have no excuse not to work out after class on Mondays and Wednesdays. I have a lot of weight to get rid of, and I'm going to do it, damnit. I'm taking small steps to change my habits, but they're steps, and that's more than some people can say.
I'm going to start eating more fruit than junk food, drinking more water than pop, eating smaller portions. And I'm going to run again. I'm determined to run again.
When I ran XC in high school, it wasn't just about working out. It was about stressing out, and then blowing off steam by running. It was about looking good, feeling good, and being able to eat whatever I wanted and know that the next day, I'd run it off. It was about me being happy, and more importantly, healthy.

So when school starts, so does the new me. Well, the running part, anyhow. The eating thing I started today, kindof. I am going to take advantage of the time I have given myself, and take advantage of the bike path on campus, and not give a flying f*** who sees my ass, legs, arms, anything jiggling. Because one day, they're going to walk by me, and there will be less jiggle. There will be less of me, physically. But there will be more of me, too. I'll be more confident, more proud, more happy.

And THAT is what counts.

So no matter who you are, what you do, where you are...
Be happy.
Live life how you want to, because if you don't, someone else will.

I've Been Away For Too Long

For those of you that actually read this (ahem...Jessica, Lauren, Chelsea, Stephanie...) I am sorry. I can't seem to write anything, ever. I'm super lame guys. But maybe, just maybe, I can start to be a little bit better about it again.

So, since the last time I wrote, I've actually started going out and doing stuff. Like, a lot of stuff. And a lot of fun stuff at that! Life all of a sudden got to be a bit exciting and my summer has just blasted by. School starts in 10 days, and it doesn't seem real.

The weather did lighten up enough for Aaron and I to have a beautiful day out on the lake canoeing. We spent a decent amount of time out there, and I got a lovely tan line from the life jacket.

We've also tried going to a few baseball games this summer with Rachel&Aaron so far. I say try because both times, it's rained and we haven't finished a game yet this season. But it's okay, we still have fun.

Stephanie and I donated plasma for a bit, and Chelsea tried it a few times as well. I took a break from it, just because my arm was really bruised, and it wasn't a very appealing thought to be stabbed in a bruise caused by previous stabbings. I'm thinking about going again soon though. It's really not as bad as I thought it would be, it's just a really long wait. And some of the people that go there use it as an alternative to having an actual job, and those people tend not to be too savory. But they provide some good laughs and people watching, so as long as they don't start creeping on any of us, I don't mind them.

I've met a few new cool people through Stephanie as well. Her friends Ryan and Erica are quite enjoyable, despite the fact that they are still in high school. It's good to know that some people grow up enough before they graduate to actually be sensible people in today's society.
Ryan is enjoyable simply because he's funny. He knows every word to Nikki Minaj's "Starships," and if you don't think that's an accomplishment, maybe you need a refresher on how awful this song is?? I wouldn't have been able to listen to it enough to figure out the lyrics, but Ryan, on the other hand, will rap it with no beat, no music, nothing. He'll do it while we drive down the street in a minivan with a small child, just for the hell of it. And I mean, look at this video. He's hilarious in his own way.

I also went to Six Flags this year with Aaron's family. It was good getting to hang out with them as a family, it made me feel really nice :) And other than the fact that this is an awful picture of me, I enjoyed getting to spend time with his sister, Alyssa. I'm at the house all of the time, but we never really talk, so when we sat on the benches in the park and waited while the others rode rides we passed on, it was nice getting to know her a little bit better. I really feel like we should spend more time together.






I also went to Brat Days with Stephanie and Aaron a few weeks ago. And speaking of Nikki Minaj, we apparently have a local version of her as well. Good food, good friends, great time :)

Mom took Allie and I to the Drive In theater awhile back as well. We saw Despicable Me 2 and Monsters U. They were both enjoyable, but I think my favorite part was the drive home. I tend to forget how funny my mom can be when she's not nagging me or trying to be super mom. Maybe one day we can be more like friends, once I've gotten completely on my own and started my life.

Me, Allie, & Mom

Aaron and I finally went camping at the beginning of this month, and it was a lot of fun. Despite that it rained the whole second day we were there, and despite the fact that I wasted about an hour and a half trying to rescue a very lost kitten, I think we had a lot of fun. The hikes were beautiful, and it was really nice to spend time with just Aaron again. I think we both learned a little bit more about each other from our talks around the campfire, and no one died or got injured, so I'd say the trip was a definite success. Here are a few pictures for ya...

Our campsite

I applaud whoever wrote this. Good motto.

A+, Bud Guy, A+

Allie and I have hung out a few times too. We ate well last night, feasting on Red Lobster. She had never been there before!

Das Allie.

Well, I promised a 2-for-1, so I suppose I should get on writing that second post, huh? Talk to you very soon :)

Just a Bunch of Random Thoughts. Doesn't Really Matter.

I don't really have a plan as to what I'm going to talk about, so this is going to be a really blah post.
I haven't been feeling too hot for the last few hours, and it kind of blows, because dinner smells fantastic downstairs.
Earlier today, Aaron, his mom and I went stove shopping. Something happened yesterday when potatoes were being baked, and the kitchen filled entirely with smoke. Needless to say, a replacement was needed. Shopping was supposed to be a "learning experience" of some sort, but we walked in, Dena told the lady at Home Depot which stove she wanted, and roughly $400 later, we walked right back out. Pretty straightforward trip. Plus, there was Taco Bell afterwards, so not an overall pointless tagalong trip for the two of us.
I also learned today that my books for the fall semester will cost roughly $300, which sucks, but isn't unexpected. College is expensive, even if it is just community college :P

On another note, we burned a candle we got at Cedar Point today, and now the whole bedroom smells like butterscotch. It's really delicious.

Hopefully the crummy weather we've been having will clear up like it's supposed to on Sunday so we can finally go canoeing. It seems mother nature is against the idea entirely. I've wanted to go for about a week now, and every day it's been raining like crazy :(

Well, for once Lifetime is playing a decent movie (with Natalie Portman, about the pregnant woman who lived in Wal*Mart after being abandoned by her loser boyfriend), so I think I'll turn to that for the time being. Aaron's Rock Show is on YKnot Radio again right now, so take a listen if you'd like :)

Everyone have a good night :)

Long Time, No See

I've been meaning to get on here again for quite some time, but for whatever reason, I just haven't gotten around to it until now (I'm trying to keep myself awake while Aaron transports the 12th chipmunk of the year to a location other than the trap on the side of my garage).

There have been quite a few things that have happened since my last post, though I know I'm going to forget some of them. But I'll try to at least give you an idea of what I've been up to this past month or so.

Aaron and I went to the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago. It was a fun trip! We spent all day out in the sun wandering around looking at all of the animals. The only one that was missing was the elephant. They were doing renovations to the habitat so they would have more room to roam about and such, so they were all at a different location for the time being.

Aaron and I also went on our Cedar Point trip early this month, and that was amazing. We rode every coaster in the park (I even rode two that were absolutely terrifying: Top Thrill Dragster and Wicked Twister) in two days, and still managed to have time to relax at the hotel. The hotel was really nice, we even had brass lions and a giant mermaid in the lobby. Our only wish is that the jacuzzi tub in our room hadn't been broken. But oh well, it's not like it ruined the trip by any means. We had a great time, and I found my new favorite roller coaster (too bad it's so far away), the Gatekeeper. It's a winged ride and you "go upside down 6 times 5 different ways," or at least that's what the announcer said. We managed to get on within half an hour both times we rode it, which is pretty impressive, considering it was the new ride this year at the park. My pictures turned out really blurry, which sucks, but oh well. 

Also, that funnel cake sundae right there was absolutely HUGE. Diabetes on a plate, but super tasty :)

Aaron in front of Cedar Point
The new ride is coming up right over the entrance there

When we got back from Cedar Point, there was a little bit of down time before a few days where I had the house to myself again. Allie turned the big 1-8 and then Grandma went on some Amish vacation shindig with her friends for a few days. I took advantage of having the house to myself again, and had a few people over for a bonfire/cookout. It was a really good night, and I was pleasantly surprised with the turnout. And we didn't even break any chairs this time! ;)

Aaron also has decided that it is his mission to rid me of the storage unit, so we started emptying that into my house. The biggest issue was going to be the entertainment center. Poor Aaron and Matt fought with that thing for about an hour trying to get it down my basement stairs. The top of it got scuffed up by the slanted ceiling, and the ceiling still has bits of cheap furniture paint in it, but that will be a quick fix once I get a scrubby brush of some sort. My plaster walls aren't very forgiving things. In return for their hard work, I made them a pork tenderloin meal. It turned out better than I thought it would, considering all of the improvising I did. They seemed pretty satisfied though, so I must have done pretty well. I'll make a good housewife someday (ha).

I've been hanging out with some old friends again, and that feels great. Though Morgan is moving down to Texas on Saturday, which is just awful. We've had a lot of good times together, and it makes me sad to see her go. I'm going to have to start saving up so I can visit her next summer, I'm definitely going to miss her.

Stephanie and I have gotten closer again as well, which is really great, because I missed her, too. We were really good friends in Jr High, but when I transferred schools my freshman year, we lost touch. It's good to know that things between friends don't change, no matter how long it's been.

I paid off MOST of my medical bills, which is a huge relief. I recently got a $45 one in the mail though, so I can only hope that this is the absolute last one. I've managed to stay afloat this long, but things are still difficult. Getting rid of the storage unit will help for sure, and Stephanie and I are going to donate plasma for a little bit of extra cash as well. We were going to start on Thursday, but I realized that I have work, and I don't want to push it since I don't know how it'll affect me yet. We'll probably start next week sometime :) It'll be nice to have that extra income so I can pay my grandparents off for my brakes and then start saving some extra dough for rainy days or incidentals (like the new muffler I'm going to need). Every little bit helps, and that extra $200 in my pocket a month will be nice (assuming I can handle it).

One last thing that deserves celebration is that Aaron graduated and got his Associates degree! :) He's currently looking for some type of office job in our local school districts, so we're hoping that something will come up and get his foot in the door. He's getting really bored at home, and worried since he's unemployed (he was a student worker, so when he graduated, he could no longer work the position he had). He'll get something though, I know it. It all just takes time and patience.

Well, Aaron is home now from being the chipmunk taxi, so I can go to bed with a sound mind. I hope you guys have had a good month, and I promise to try and write more often. I've been super slacking lately, I'm sorry :P Everyone have a wonderful day/night.

Until next time :)

Happiness Is A Choice (Shit Is Everywhere)

So over the course of the past year and a half or so, I've had plenty of time and plenty of experiences that have taught me something quite important. That something is that happiness is, in fact, a choice.

Sure, life throws you curveballs. Life could be compared to a monkey at the zoo, throwing literal shit this way and that way, not caring who it hits. Sometimes, you get hit a lot. Sometimes, you don't. I don't mean to brag folks, but I have come to believe that I am a monkey shit magnet. But guess what? I learned to deal with it. I took my metaphorical hose and washed myself off, and started over. And sure, my monkeys occasionally hit me with the usual, but I deal with it. I have learned to be happy even through all of the monkey shit, the horse shit, and the bull shit.
I feel like a lot of you haven't.
But moreover, I feel like a lot of you simply haven't learned to accept reality for what it is.
I feel like a lot of people that I know have recently gone absolutely batshit crazy. Crazy how? One word for you guys:
Denial.
Denial of personal responsibility, denial of failure, denial of reality. It might be a very nice, lovely river (ha), but denial is not somewhere that I would want to live. It's such a detrimental state of being, you simply tear yourself apart by living there.

I feel like a lot of you have simply  forgotten how to live.

One friend in particular comes to mind. She feels like she can't be happy without someone in her life, and that makes me sad for her. Number one, because she deserves to be treated better than he has treated her, and number two, because no one should ever feel like their happiness relies solely on one person.

Happiness does not come solely from another person. Yes, you may be happy around a certain person. But other things also bring you joy. Personally, having time to read brings me joy. I read like crazy in the summer. Also, music. And family. And friends. And conversations with Aaron. And knowing that the future starts every second. You can change your future in a single second from a single decision. That decision is to be happy.
It's easier said than done, I won't lie to you there. It's definitely not an easy task at first, but like anything else that you have to fight for, it becomes easier as you continue, and it is extremely worth it in the end.
In the past year and a half, I have had plenty of things happen to me that could have emotionally crippled me. Hell, over the course of my life, I've had enough things happen to me to emotionally cripple me. But yet, I'm happy. I am content. I am thankful. And most importantly, I am alive.
Not alive just as in the living-breathing-vitals alive. Alive as in the enjoying myself, enjoying others, and finding joy in other people's happiness/accomplishments alive. I can see someone's hard work pay off and feel genuine happiness for them. I can see my hard work pay off and feel good about it as well.
No, not everything is perfect. But most everything can be viewed in a better light:

I have medical bills from when I "broke" my wrist....at least I have insurance that covers a decent amount of it.
I have to pay my Grandmother back for getting my brakes fixed on my car...I am thankful that I have a car, and that I have family that cares about me and my personal safety in said car.
My hours haven't been stellar at work...at least I have a job in this bad economy. Some people don't have that.
My parents kicked me out...I am thankful that I have family and friends that put roofs over my head when I needed it most, and that I have been able to settle in elsewhere.
I have finals this week...I have the opportunity for education.

It's hard to forget what we do have when our own personal bratty monkeys start throwing shit around. But having those monkeys means that you're living life, and living life means that you're alive.
So take a moment to reflect on what you do have in life that makes you happy. Don't waste so much time thinking about how much happier you could be with things that you don't have. Make the best of everything, and be happy with your life, as is. No one else can can decide to make you happy. Only you can. So make a choice to be happy with your life, no matter the state of it. Chances are, things will start to look a whole hell of a lot better very quickly. I have a lot of things that make me as happy as I am, and I recognize them. Do you recognize yours?