First, I went to school. Not my favorite part of the day, but at least it's a routine. I love routine, I'm comfortable in it. But jeez, I hate how much
HARDER
our lessons are in college. I'm so glad I didn't take any math courses this semester, because that and science are my worst subjects, and we're finally getting to the part of the course where I don't feel like it's review anymore. See, I'm in Genetics, and I've been pretty up to speed until this new chapter. Everything in it is vaguely familiar, but I can tell if we'd had to take a test solely on memory from past courses, I'd have bombed that sucker like no other. I wish I'd just taken Spanish like I thought about doing =_= But my semester couldn't be much easier than it is now. I'm only taking about 18 credit hours, and that's only 5 classes. Ceramics, Genetics, Humanities, Personality Psych, and Early Childhood Education? Piece of cake classes for sure.
Then I went to the gym for a brief, but MUCH needed, workout with a couple of my girlfriends. After all of it, I'd barely burned off my McChicken, let alone the McDouble, Sweet Tea, and the large fries I'd split with Rachel. I ate like a total fatty, and only burned off one sandwich... Sad. But towards the end of my session on the Cross Trainer Elliptical, my buddy Jepi came in and saw me dragging ass, only going like 70 RPMs =_= Little twerp just had to come in right then, huh? But he came over ans was all like, "Dude, go
FASTER
or you're not going to get anything done." I was on a 15 incline and a 10 resistance, but he made me cranky, so I did it, and I was pumping out 168 RPM on that thing for the last 4 minutes of my workout. I was haulin' some serious ass and it felt good.
I really can't wait until I can just go out and feel comfortable running again. I miss the adventure runs in the creeks, and running through the state park. It's such a great way to clear my head. My goal is to be out and running come April (hopefully a good birthday gift to myself) so I can go out on rain runs, which are my absolute favorites. Then I should definitely be in better shape, maybe back down to my sophomore year shape and everything. I really miss my Cross Country body, and being able to eat whatever I want. I really need to get a workout routine down, because the more I workout, the more weight I'll lose, and the
MORE
 |
| Athena, Me, & Christina my sophomore year on the Cross Country team...that shirt is now tight around my stomach. I have a lot of work ahead of me. |
self esteem I'll have back. I just want to feel beautiful again, and it's so hard when you're reminded everyday by the stretchmarks on your thighs. It's so hard when you know the only reason your sports bra is tight is because you gained weight. It's so hard when you see old pictures and you think "what happened."
I keep telling myself, though:
I gained this weight. Me. Myself. No one else. So only I can get rid of it. Only I can get the determination to do this for myself. Only I can fix me.
And if I put this weight on the last 9 months or so, I can get it off. Might not be a rapid process, but I am determined to look as good as I know I can. I will not stop until I am totally satisfied. Not when some guy tells me I'm gorgeous, or perfect, or any other line when I say anything about my weight, or food, or working out. I won't stop until the day I look in the mirror and can smile instead of cringe. And even then, I'll continue to maintain what I will have worked so hard for.
This is happening.
I am making it happen.
And when I am feeling like I can't do it, I will keep telling myself: Harder. Faster. More.
There's only one way to do this, and that's the right way. So here's to getting it done, and getting it done right.
Here's to my own choices.
My own life.
My own success.
No comments:
Post a Comment